Cullen IM
by Staring At His Picture
Summary: The Cullen family and Bella start IMing each other and things get a little weird...


**The Cullens Learn to use IM**

**Today the young people communicate by texting, e-mailing, calling people on the phone, and Instant Messaging (IM). How great is the 21st century? YEAH TECHNOLOGY!! Now let's see what happens when the Cullen family + they're favorite human Bella Swan start to use it…**

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Remember: IMing people can be fun but be careful because creepers like Emmett might try to chat with you...

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Edward: HumanLover

Bella: ClumsyGirl

Jasper: BrainyEmo

Emmett: PianoSex

Rosalie: PrettyBlonde

Alice: FutureGirl

Esme: HotMomma

Carlisle: SexyPapa

Humanlover is logged on

Clumsygirl is logged on

Pianosex is logged on

Furturegirl is logged on

Humanlover: hello?

Futuregirl: hmmm?

Clumsygirl: yes Edward? …alice?

Humanlover: I love you so much babe!!

Futuregirl: get a room eddie!

Pianosex: gag me plz.

Clumsygirl: ur just saying that! U already left me once. Who says you won't do it again!! cries

Clumsygirl is logged out

Humanlover: oh dear, Bella's upset. I should go over to her house and try to comfort her before she does something drastic. Bye guys. See ya tomorrow!

Futuregirl: wut? Ur not coming home tonight?

Humanlover is logged off

Pianosex: yeah… he'll be at bella's tonight straping Bella down to the bed and having awesome vampire/human sex with her.

Futuregirl: wtf? Emmett! Stop that. I already have enough mental pictures of what Edward plans to do her Bella.

Pianosex: WHAT THE HELL?? I was just kidding! Do you mean that he's actually going to strap her down and have his naughty naughty way with her body all night long?? AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!

Futuregirl: Ugh… there will be no straps… but maybe some whipped cream, melted chocolate, and handcuffs and LOTS of moaning…like you and rosie on the piano when nobody else is home.

Prettyblonde is logged in

Prettyblonde: ALICE! Don't freakin' call me Rosie anymore! THAT'S MY NICKNAME FROM EM!!

Futuregirl: rosie rosie rosie rosie rosie poesy smoooooooesy ROSIE!!

Prettyblonde: Alice… ur at home on your laptop in the living room, right?

Futuregirl: maybe…

Prettyblonde: going to kill Alice. Bye babe! hugs and kisses Emmett

Pianosex: what are you talking about bye? I'm coming to video tape this! This is total youtube gold! Better than girls gone wild!!

Prettyblonde is logged out

Futuregirl: oh shit… I'm about to get got… JASPER!!

Pianosex: this needs to be recorded for me to watch over and over again. Alice…where's the camera. I needa document this!

Futuregirl: I think Edward took it to "document" his love for Bella…

Pianosex: nvm…

Brainyemo is logged in

Brainyemo: yes alice sweetie?

Futuregirl: where are you?

Brainyemo: Edward locked me in the freezer again… he thought I was sniffing around this elderly stripper a little too much so he locked me away so I wouldn't hurt anyone.

Futuregirl: wait… if ur in the freezer how are you IMing me?

Brainyemo: Edward gave me a laptop so I could IM him and tell him when I was calm so he could let me out…

Futuregirl: I'd better come get you outta there… Edward's going to be gone ALLLLLL NIGHT with his lover, Bella, having "awesome vampire/human sex" with her or something…at least that's what he was planning and that's what Emmett was thinking.

Brainyemo: TMI honey. Tooooooooo toooo toooo toooo too much information.

Furturegirl: sry. I'm coming to let you out so you can save me from the dreaded "PrettyBlonde" vampire.

Futuregirl is logged out

Brainyemo: FREEDOM!! Free at last. Free at last. Thank Alice Almighty, I am free at last!!

Hotmama is logged in

Sexypapa is logged in

Brainyemo is logged out

Hotmama: sexypapa?

Sexypapa:hotmama?

Hotmama: are you still at the office?

Sexypapa: I didn't know that Edward was having "awesome vampire/human sex" with bella! Did you know about this and not tell me??

Hotmama: mothers know everything about their children… they just don't talk about or mention everything that their child says or writes about in his man diary!! ARE YOU STILL AT THE OFFICE?

Sexypapa: yes im still at the office… EDWARD HAS A MAN DIARY??

Hotmama: yeah. It talks about in detail how when we go out and leave him alone he likes to play dress-up and how he masturbates and practices making out with this purple stuffed bear that he actually named Fluffy Fuzzy McFluffinstein.

Sexypapa: oh my god. I think Edward might needa good talking to…

Hotmama: It's a boy bear but he likes to put bracelets and dresses and sequined sweaters and pink frilly bows on it…

Sexypapa: if he likes to dress it up like that, why doesn't he just make it a girl?

Hotmama: idk. Some strange twisted sense of humor, maybe? Yep… well he wrote an entire book about the life of this bear. The bear is married to a large green stuffed animal frog named Monica and he struggles with a drug addiction. He does pot and ecstasy in Edward's closet.

Sexypapa: why doesn't the bear just come out of the closet already?

Hotmama: rotflmao!! Good one honey. And apparently the bear has a fat ass grey mother that's a dog or something and a strange yellow colored brother named Dr. Fruity… and yes… his brother is actually gay.

Sexypapa: im convinced. We need to take Edward to a professional! He did all this for a stupid stuffed animal toy!!

Hotmama: Maybe all of that "awesome vampire/human sex" is making him crazy…

Sexypapa: on an unrelated topic… how fast can you steal the tingly gel from underneath Rosalie and Emmett's bed, find thewhip, handcuffs, and get to my office?

Hotmama: I'm already there is your talking about what I think you are…

Hotmama is logged out

Sexypapa: YEAH!! OFFICE SEX!! …im gonna have to tell Felix the janitor to clean up really well tonight… ha ha ha.

….END….

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i luv the cullens!!

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Esme and Carlisle shouldn't be allowed to IM…

Yeah! That's the story. I hope you liked it. Sure, yeah… Edward, as we all know, won't have sex with Bella until he marries her and makes her a Vampire… but I think unrealistic stories are always better.

Luv Always,

Staring At His Picture


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